Episode 25: Tech Part 2 (Mamas)

Welcome to the Beauty of Better Podcast, where we help moms thrive in health and fame.

Good morning, mamas.

We're so glad you've joined us today.

So last week, we had a discussion on technology, but specifically with our kids and different ways that we kind of manage that in our own household.

So I hope you got a few tips from that podcast.

But today, we're going to talk a little bit about how we manage technology with ourselves.

And this is kind of just in the general sense, you know, in our every day, how we find balance with that in an age of ever increasing technology.

So we're just, it's probably going to be a bit of a shorter episode, but we're just going to share a few tips that we have used ourselves that have helped bring some balance in this area.

So Danielle, can I maybe tag you in if you want to share a few tips that maybe you use in your every day?

Yeah, sure.

So, I mean, I was trying to think about this, and I really try to be transparent.

I think my husband and I both do just with our kids around our technology, around our own personal limits, and just kind of be like an open book with that, because we feel like we have to model what we want them to do.

And so I feel like we, one of the things I try to do with transparency is like, I tell them my time limits.

And so like I'm only on my phone certain times a day.

And something I try to be super upfront about is, I really hate having a phone between like me and somebody that I'm talking to, right?

I think we all hate that.

And I think that's becoming the norm.

Like people are just glued to their phones, and it becomes like a conversation like through the phone to the other person.

And so I try to remove electronics like when we're talking.

I think I've said this before, but like at dinnertime, we have no electronics, no toys, nothing allowed except for like family and food.

And when I do have like an urgent email that comes in or like something that I can't pause with because I work from home a lot, I do remind my boys like, hey buddy, like I'm working from home today.

So normally I'd be in the office, but I get to be here with you and spend more time with you.

But right now, I have to send this email.

So know that that's why my phone is out.

So I think just like being transparent about like, why my phone is out when it is out, and then like what I'm using it for, and then just putting it away when I'm done.

I think I've said this in other episodes, but I just, I don't allow myself to use my phone, or like check email, or do anything in the morning before I like do my devotions, read my Bible, like get ready.

So that's just another practice that I put into place.

But I also delete a lot of apps.

I feel like that's so helpful to just like not have distractions.

Like for me, it's just like, I can put time limits on things, but like delete a lot of apps.

I'll put like game apps back on my phone when I know I'm going to be on like a 16 hour flight, and I'll let those come back on.

But yeah, I just delete a lot of things all the time.

So those are basics.

I'll probably jump in again.

But maybe Kelsey, you want to go?

Yeah, yeah, I love that.

I think whenever I try to think about what I want something to look like, whether it's technology or any other habit that I'm trying to build, I try to make what I'm wanting to do with it the easiest and the most obvious choice.

So if I'm trying to stay off of something, like you said, I just delete it from my phone, and I will do that often, especially if I find myself kind of reverting back to it when I don't want to.

I think we all can catch ourselves doing that, and we're like, why am I even on this right now?

Like, I don't even want to be on this.

But they, I mean, the phone, just speaking about your phone, I feel like that's the piece I probably use the most.

Computer, I mean, TV, I feel like I don't really use much at all right now.

But when we're talking about phones, I feel like it's so accessible and it's so easy.

And every time you get a little ding on your phone, it's like a little hit of dopamine, and you're like, oh, I got to check it.

I got to check it.

So I actually turn off all my notifications for everything.

Yeah, ding.

I did it when I check it.

Not a ding.

I don't want my phone to be controlling me.

I want to control my phone.

So I turn off all the notifications, and the only one that I have on is texts, but sometimes I even turn that off if I really want to like, I'm going to check my text messages at this time of day, and I'm going to answer all of them at once.

So I don't have to be like responding back and forth, back and forth.

That's just exhausting for me to be like constantly stimulated that way.

And I think that you can easily over-stimulate yourself as a mob because you're tricking yourself into thinking that you're multitasking, but you really can't.

Like I think we all know deep down that we really can only truly focus on one thing at a time, but we're like, oh no, I'm pushing my kid in the swing, and I'm doing a grocery order, and I'm like, you know, waiting for this phone call, and I'm like going to answer this e-mail when it comes in.

But I think that if you, so something that I do is I try to just like dedicate certain times of the day, like I'll check my e-mail for work, you know, in the morning and at night, or maybe just one of those depending on the season.

But, or, you know, check my text messages, like once I put my middle son down for a nap, or something like that so that I, and I'm not perfect at this by any means, like I slip back into, you know, old habits and have to like reset and remind myself, like, okay, if it's out of sight, it's out of mind.

And so I actually try to put my phone somewhere where I don't see it during times where I'm with my kids, and I don't want to be distracted by that.

Like if I'm going on a walk with them, like, I just don't bring it.

Or if we're, you know, going to go do something in the back, and it's like quality time with my kids, I'm just not going to bring it outside.

And if I really want to take a picture, I'll just run back in and grab it, take a picture and then go put it back instead of just having it with me.

So it's very, I mean, it's a really hard thing to manage because it is so easily accessible and so tempting, and it's just writing your pocket all the time.

And there's just a lot of things that with technology are great, but also I think we just have to be really intentional with stewarding that.

It's like we do everything else as moms because our kids watch what we do.

And if we're going outside for the purpose of being outside, what does that say when we're on our phone all the time to them?

That doesn't really make sense.

And Danielle, I loved what you said about just being transparent with them about, hey, mom's home today, I'm working from home today, so I might have to answer this.

That's why I've got my phone out, just telling them that.

I think my oldest is the only one who would maybe understand that.

My younger two would not, but I think that, you know, so I just am careful when they're around to not do stuff like that.

But yeah, Christiana, what do you want to chime in?

Yeah.

You have some good tips.

It's great.

I feel like we have a lot of similarities.

And so some of your things are making me, oh, yeah, we do that too.

And I think definitely I could resonate with Danielle, the no dinner time or mealtime having phones, and then Kelsey kind of like communicating that transparency with the kids, too.

Like, since we do most of our tech in family spaces, they kind of see what's going on and see that being modeled.

I definitely work from home as well, too.

So what I've done with emails in particular is if it's a brief reply, I can do it on my phone.

But if it's a longer reply, I'll get out my computer and I'm tend to be a little bit quicker.

If I'm typing it into my computer than just on my phone, and then that way it's kind of done and handled a little bit quicker, and I can control the timeline.

Because sometimes emails come in and you're like, oh, this is heavy and I need to process this, and I don't want to reply right away because then I might not have fully formulated how I want to respond.

So it allows that pause point to make sure you're like, okay, this is going to require a little more time.

Let me make sure that I'm set up, that the kids are in a good space, and I'm going to reply more fully when I have that capacity, depending on what the day holds.

And then another thing with the phones too, our kids, I think I mentioned, don't have phones yet.

But what we do with phones at the evening is typically charging them downstairs.

Sometimes I'll have my phone upstairs as an alarm to wake up early because I'm typically the first one up in our house.

But I think one thing that can be a trap with phones is the empty scrolling as you're in bed.

And so whether the phone is my alarm and it's on my nightstand, or if it's downstairs, I have a cutoff time of like, hey, I'm not going to really be looking at my phone past this time.

One blue light exposure, right?

I was going to say our sleep episode, right?

Yeah.

And then I think it's just so easy to be like, oh, there just went 20 minutes.

That could have been 20 minutes of sleeping, or then you're trying to decompress from the day, and then if something else comes in, then your mind just starts spiraling.

And so for me, that helps me have more restful night's sleep, but it also puts those boundaries so that when my kids do have their own phone, they're not going to have it in their room, and they're not going to have the empty scrolling as well.

I also agree with the notifications.

Push notifications are limited on mine, but I do receive on the weekend a report of how many minutes I was on my phone and which things I used.

I like stats.

I like data.

It helps me kind of know of like, oh, this was a week that it was a little bit more.

And then those are just the few things that kind of pop out in my head as well.

So a lot of repeating what you guys are already saying, but just really feeling that burden to model it well for our kids and just show them like it can have controls and you can still use these tools, but they don't have to control you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love all of these tips.

I feel like I'm learning a few tips from some of you ladies, but I think that transparency is a good one because sometimes if our kids just see us on our phone, they're like, or even to be honest, my spouse, like a lot of times I'm either doing that grocery shop or practical things.

But if you don't tell them, they just think, are you scrolling on your phone and the kids are shouting at you?

Which they can then get frustrated at you.

And sometimes that happens, it creates tension between my husband and I, if there's not that transparency of like, hey, I'm actually just booking a doctor's appointment right now.

I'm not just like scrolling on Instagram.

So I think that is just helpful.

And then also setting those times, like, you know, my husband and I have had these discussions because a lot of times for him with work, like he'll bring his phone back and then it'll bleed into dinner time.

So I've had to remind him, it's like, okay, no, we're not having like phones at dinner.

And I think that's just important getting on the same page, even as like with your spouse of like, okay, we got a model sticking to the rules, because once our kids do have phones, like we just, yeah, we want them to keep following the rules themselves.

So anyway, another thing was, I've just noticed, you know, being on social media, like kind of heading up our social media for Beauty of Better, you can easily, like, even though I really don't spend that much time on social media, to be honest, like I'm not one to really like scroll on that much, but in the little, like when I'm posting for us, and when I see little tidbits of things, like it can really easily creep up on you, like all these expectations and demands, like I notice myself, like, and it could be good things, it could be good advice, but all of a sudden, you're getting all these messages of like what you aren't, or you should be feeding your kids all organic, and you should be homeschooling them, or you should be, you know, X, Y, and Z.

Like all these messages are subliminally coming into your mind, and all of a sudden, you can feel this heaviness in a day, like I'm not measuring up, my kids aren't going to turn out.

You know, you're like, wait, I never feel that all of a sudden.

And you can, you know, without realizing as a mom especially, you can just feel like you're not enough.

And I think sometimes that's a good sign that you maybe need to step back a little bit and just be like, and it's like almost coming back to those family values again of like, okay, what do we actually stand for?

What is important to us?

You can't do all the things.

You can't be the CEO and homeschool your kids, you know, and grow your own food and run a corporation, all the things that are being said to us as women, like it's a heavy yoke.

And so the only yoke that we need to carry is the one that God has given us to carry, you know?

And so I think just giving mom's permission in that, it's like, what do you actually feel called to?

And if social media and technology is like giving you all these messages that are making you feel less, then maybe you need to take a step back and kind of set some boundaries there so that you're not feeling overwhelmed by that.

That's something that I really know, notice with myself.

And also just having the boundaries with like during the day, especially with little kids, you know, it's frustrating when you are in a conversation via like text messaging.

And your kid's pulling on your shirt or something, and you're like trying to have a conversation.

And I know for myself from experience, like there's been days when I've just felt lonely in motherhood, like I'm primarily stay at home in this season.

And there's days when I'm like, I just want to have an adult conversation.

Like I just can't play Legos again.

And so you're maybe in a conversation with an adult, but then maybe it gets into something like politics or something, and you really want to give your attention to it because you're like, I just feel lonely today, and I want to talk to an adult about something else.

But then you might get annoyed at your kid because they're just wanting your attention.

They don't want you to be on your phone.

So realizing what are the times that you can set apart, that you won't be stressed out by your little one, but yet you can meet that need of connection and adult communication.

And so that's something that I've had to learn to grow in, is just set the phone down, be present where you're at right now, but then find the space to have that other need fulfilled.

Because it's easy to be frustrated when we're trying to have all these other conversations via technology, when our littles are demanding of us, you know.

So I just wanted to share that, because that's something that I've experienced and had to work on, like especially with homework with my girls when they come back from school.

I just set my phone to the side, so I'm not trying to respond to messages and do their homework at the same time.

So, yeah, that's something I feel like I've learned the hard way.

I like what you're saying about the grocery order and tying that into transparency.

And it made me think of one other thing of some things we use our phone for can still be done just as well, like in the traditional way, like in the old school way, whether it's just a list of pen and paper and doing inventory of your fridge.

And so I think when I was in a younger season, kind of like you, Kelsey and Kathleen, my kids needed to see that because they didn't understand it quite as they're older.

And so I would physically go through and kind of teaching them that skill of like, oh, we need grapes or we need milk, you know, and then them getting to participate in it.

So I can hand them that paper at the store rather than hand them my phone and then check it off there.

So some of those things.

And then the other one that I was convicted of when they were a little bit younger too is like using my actual physical Bible rather than my Bible app and then modeling that or like using my devotional like or whatever source.

And so when they come downstairs in the morning and I'm sitting on the sofa and I'm having that time, they can see, oh, mama's reading her Bible.

Mama's not just on her phone, right?

And so like sometimes I'm looking something up, you know, like, oh, what's the other reference for this or what not?

But like, especially at those younger ages, they don't quite cue into like the purpose or might not even ask.

And so those are a few things.

Now that they're older, like, you know, my son likes the kids Bible app, and he's like, mama, can I have my Bible time?

You know, right?

When it gets up in the morning, and which means he wants to Bible story and to play a game.

Like, yeah.

But I'm like, you can do one and then you need to eat breakfast.

But so I think some of those things of like, hey, where can you swap it out?

That's another thing that we've tried to do.

It's not every week, right?

Sometimes it's just, you know, you're at a soccer practice and you're like, add everything to cart, right?

Yeah.

That's a great tip.

Do any of you ladies have tips around like in the evening time?

Do you switch off your phone at a certain time?

Because I know myself at least like if I start a conversation, like I don't intentionally like text people around a certain time.

So I'm like, I don't want to get into a whole like conversation or start.

And if you almost look at it as like the person you're texting, like if they're in the room, if you're having conversation with like five different people, like that's stressful.

Like that would be stressful in a party or anywhere that you're at.

And thinking of almost text messages like that, of like you are starting a conversation with this person.

I think for me, yeah, I kind of cut that off at a certain time, like usually around eight o'clock.

I'm like no more starting of conversations with people.

Because it can get your brain going too at that time of night.

So anyone else have boundaries around that in the evening?

Yeah, I normally try.

Well, before I say that, I was just also going to say that I normally use printed off recipes, and I will get a lot of recipes from websites, but then I'll print them and keep them in a book, so I don't have to be on my phone while I'm cooking.

And then I feel like my kids can look at the recipe, even if they don't know what it says, and I can say, okay, you can cut this, or you can squish this piece of some banana or whatever.

And that kind of helps minimize the technology while we're doing something together in the kitchen.

But at night, I normally try to wrap everything up by 9, and then I'll, like, the phone, or at least the conversation piece, like, the phone goes off.

And then I'm also trying not to consume anything past that time, too, so just being conscious of what...

Like, Kathleen, I really liked what you said about paying attention to what you consume and how it's affecting your mental state, because if you are in a season where you are, you know, if you're working from home and then your kids are at home and you just feel like you're home all the time and you're not connecting with moms in person, maybe as much as you'd like to, I think you have to be really conscious of what you're consuming.

And just, you know, if it's not working for you, then try a new boundary with it.

Like, you know, turn off your phone earlier or hide it so you can't see it, so you don't think about using it or, you know, give it to your husband and say, can you put this somewhere so I don't, so I don't get it right now?

Like, tell your, sometimes I'll do that.

I'll tell my husband, you know, I say, hey, I'm trying not to do as much online shopping.

Can you like help keep me accountable with that?

And that's like a whole, you know, different thing, looking at your budget and like making sure you're on the same page with that.

But just like telling them what you're trying to work on, like your number one person, they can encourage you and support you in that, but they don't know if you don't tell them.

So, yeah, I think, I think hopefully mamas, you got some really good tips today.

I think we've all shared some things that work for us, and hopefully you can be encouraged just to use technology in a way that works for you, but also create some healthy boundaries and limits around it so that you can really thrive in your relationships, whether that's via text messaging or in-person relationships with your kids and your family and your friends.

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