Episode 10: Family Rhythms Part 2

Welcome to the Beauty of Better Podcast, where we help moms thrive in health and faith.

Hey, mamas, welcome back this week.

You know, we're gonna follow up on our topic last week, which was Family Rhythms.

Last week, we went more into the spiritual side and like our foundations with our values and our mission statements and how we developed those.

And today we're gonna get super practical.

So we're gonna look at what are our daily schedules and how we adapt our rhythms based on the season, because, you know, it's ever changing with kids and schools and after school activities and work and everything changes all the time.

And so we just wanted to talk really practically today.

Just, you know, kids really need structure and their brains love predictability.

And so when we can create these rhythms for our families in different seasons, knowing that they change, it can just help our families flow better and just fall back to looking at our values and how are we aligning with those.

So we're just going to have really raw conversations today just about where we're at with our kids and our families in different seasons and what we've changed and what we haven't changed and where we're going with that.

So I don't know who wants to jump in first.

I know, right?

I'll go ahead and jump in.

I just feel like lately I've been doing a little bit of an overhaul with our family rhythms, obviously keeping our core values the same, but we have a life change coming up.

We're fostering to adopt a little boy, which we're super excited about.

God's brought this beautiful treasure into our lives.

But in the process of having him come to us, I feel like I've been looking at our family rhythms, and I feel like God's been walking me through things that maybe aren't going to serve us in the future.

Now it's a family of six, and we have three kids, but now we're going to have four.

And so I feel like God's just been giving me these little tools for how to create more.

Daniel was saying, it's just like stability, and how do we create home to feel like a safe place?

And it's like, you know, your biological kids, like they're raised with you, so they kind of grow with you and that.

But then all of a sudden, like when you're fostering, it's like you have this new kid that comes into your space, and you're like, well, this could be stressful for him.

It's normal for us, you know?

So it made me just like think like, okay, how do I help like create an environment that just feels safe and nurturing?

But it's also just a good like, you know, it was a good reset for like, okay, even my own kids, like, what is working for us and what isn't working for us?

And so like one thing, for instance, I'll jump into like a morning routine, you know?

I just thought about like, what helps me as a mom, like getting up a half an hour before my kids, like to read my Bible.

Yes, right?

All of us.

I think like sometimes it's so hard, especially when your kids are little and or you haven't slept through the night.

But anytime I do get up before my kids, I'm like, okay, I can conquer the world.

Like, you just like need that.

There's something like magical about that, like space and time, you know, whether that's just like a half an hour to get that.

But so I was just looking at like, okay, my ideal morning routine, getting up before the kids, also creating like a calming environment.

Our kids go to public school, our girls are in second grade and first grade, and I have a little, almost three-year-old son.

And so it can feel crazy in the morning, just everybody running around mad, like where's the backpack, lunches, all the things.

And so I put on like calming jazz music, like there's so many on YouTube to pick from.

I love them.

They got like cute little teacups on them and stuff.

But so I put that on or I put on like instrumental worship, and then I light a candle, and then we always sit down and we actually have a cooked meal every morning.

Like my husband does the cooking, but he makes us like all like poached eggs and toast.

And it's actually really precious time to just sit and be a family before all going like kind of our opposite directions.

That's something like for morning time that has helped create like this calm.

And I can just see our new little boy like sliding into that and him enjoying it.

And so how about you guys?

What does your warnings look like?

I definitely agree with the wake up before them.

And I think for me, that was a big adjustment because I used to be a more evening person.

And so as I, you know, I think three or four years ago, I realized, you know what, like, you know, they're not nursing anymore.

They're sleeping through the night.

Like sometimes it was kind of that stay up super late because the day was full.

And that felt like me time.

But then that habit of going to sleep earlier helps set up the morning a lot better.

So I could definitely relate for that.

For me, I think having my exercise is that first thing in my morning too.

So like I will go and I'll exercise.

And, you know, my alarm goes off at 4.50.

I go, I get my exercise in, I come back and I can shower.

And so when my kids are waking up, I can have that cup of coffee.

And my youngest little guy is all about snuggles.

And so like we can sit on the sofa and we can snuggle.

He can tell me all his animal facts or Lego building adventures.

We can read a book and then just kind of have that slower start.

Our days of the week look different because we're in like a hybrid charter program for our kids and different kids have things on different days.

So trying to at least be available when they wake up has been helpful for them.

Even on some days, we're getting out the door, and some days it is a little bit slower pace.

So I would definitely resonate a lot with that.

If I can get up before them, I feel like we're on the path to just starting in a calmer space.

Yeah.

I'm curious how do you like, so 450 is pretty early, and I have been good intention, set my alarm for that, and have yet to actually get up at that time.

Well, you did say like going to bed earlier, but do you find now that your kids are a little bit older, like you're sleeping through the night, like you don't have babies that are waking up multiple times a night.

Have you found that easier over time to get up early in the morning?

Yeah, because when I was at your stage, I would be an evening exerciser or maybe a mid-day lunch exerciser.

And you just have to figure out where it fits best.

And so that's what works better because I knew there's just different times where there's high need in your house.

So I was like, I just want to be available in whatever season I am for that high need.

So I know that when they're waking up, there needs to be those touch points.

How are you feeling about your day?

Kind of that check-in and then the same thing in the evening, being available.

I feel like some of the best conversations I have with my girls is just laying next to them in bed and them just talking.

And one of the questions I've been asking them recently, I'm like, tell me two things about your day that I don't already know.

And it can be the most random fact, kind of like Hilo Buffalo.

But just, and then sometimes it's something hard, and sometimes it's silly.

And by being available for those points of connection, so that when things are busy, they know that they will have a connecting and rooting moment, individually, with a parent.

And then we have our family times that we have together, too.

But, yeah.

I'll share my mornings.

But Kristiana, I never knew that you were a night person.

I think I always assumed you were a morning person, because I'm always like, oh, we're both up at 5 a.m.

texting each other.

You're a morning person.

I didn't know that naturally you're not.

No, all the way, it was probably about three years ago I made that change, because Ellis and I would normally spend that time together.

That's like our husband-wife time.

We would hang out and do that.

But I realized, you know what?

I can still have that time with him.

It looks different, and we still have that in the evenings.

But if I want to embody this family mission statement of being patient and kind, part of that is stewarding, I need sleep and modeling that too to my kids, of what does that look like to take care of my body and make sure I'm sleeping, so that I can take care of my relationships and things like that.

Yeah.

Well, I agree with you, ladies.

I have to be up before my kids in the morning, or I feel like I can't conquer the day.

So it's usually at least a half hour, if not an hour before they're up.

But I feel like I'm in this new season, which I'm trying to figure out, where they all wake up at different times, but they all go to bed at different times.

And then they're not all on the same school schedule.

So we have one who's in public elementary, we've got one who's home school, then we've got one who's at another public school.

And so it's very different rhythms, where my home schooler likes to take his time and be slower in the morning and not get ready when the other ones are getting ready.

So I feel like I have to be up before them, and then that's when I have my coffee.

Sometimes I work out, but typically my workouts have been pushed later either in the afternoon or evening, just because I don't have time in the morning right now.

And I have to, I feel like I've got to make their breakfast for them.

So I make them, like right now, they've been on a pancake kick.

So I make pancakes every morning.

They all want different ones.

But it's like, I'll make their pancakes, and then they actually all go to different spots in the morning where they like have their morning routine.

And so like I'll put their pancake wherever they're going.

And then they wake up, and they go to their spots.

They eat their breakfast.

It creates a calm environment when it's like their breakfast is waiting, and they can just like wake up and get ready for school, and they know what time they have to be at the door.

But I just think that that morning...

Can I come to your house?

I want a pancake in a special spot.

I'll drop one off on my way.

Yeah, I feel like that I realized that just rhythm has helped them, because I don't...

Maybe I've got one morning person, but the other two are not morning people, so it's like slower for them, and so it just feels like, okay, let's just...

We've got clothes, we set our clothes out, and then breakfast is ready, and then they just...

If they sleep a little later, they've got that short window to pull it all together.

I feel like one thing I used to have a good routine about that I'm missing now is lunches.

Like prepping school lunch boxes, I used to prep all their lunches on Saturday or Sunday and have them ready for the week and know which days they were getting hot lunch and which ones I needed to make.

And I just have not had time to do that in this season, and it just feels like one of those rhythms where it's like, I just...

I can't do that.

My weekends are full.

So that sometimes feels a little stressful, like, oh, am I making lunch today?

Or are they getting lunch today?

Or is it a half day?

Like, those throw me off all the time.

So, yeah, I feel like just like having grace in these seasons of change and just like adapting and like some seasons, you eat together, sometimes you don't.

Sometimes it's just like get ready for different times.

I don't know.

It's just...

It feels like it's always evolving.

Yes, right.

Yeah, I just like thinking about like, you know, our last podcast of like how like our core values and stuff and how that kind of leads what we do in our every single day.

Like, I just loved actually, Christiana, how you just said, you know, in order to be kind, I need sleep.

You know, like I was like, you know what?

I'm going to use that one because it's so true.

Like, mama needs a break.

And it's so true.

Sometimes we don't give ourselves permission to like, take a break, to rest, to exercise, to do these things that are self-care and are sometimes like given a bad name, like that it's selfish or something.

It's like, no, actually, to live out our Christlike principles, like we need those foundations of good sleep, good food.

You know, what was it?

I heard a sermon once about like, sometimes you just need a good meal and a nap.

It's like, when you feel, yeah.

And I was like, yes, amen.

That's so true.

You just, sometimes that will just solve the problem.

Cristiana and I have a lecture on Sleep Is Your Superpower, because it really is like making sure you get enough sleep.

I don't know, maybe we can talk about night rhythms now, but I feel like I have to have my sleep, like as busy as days get, like I need to sleep at night, or I can't function, or I'm probably not very happy to be around.

But just like, you know, carving out those windows, I feel like something I'm struggling with right now is my oldest, you know, like I don't want to make him go to bed at seven.

He's a teenager.

Like he needs to go to bed at a later time.

But I'm like, I'm not a night person.

So I'm like struggling because I'm like, but I'm treasuring these moments.

And so we actually have staggered bedtimes.

And so our youngest goes to bed first, and we get our time with him and pray with him and do our routine.

And then we spend time with our middle child before he goes to bed and then put him down.

And then we're spending time with our oldest before he goes down.

But it's like later than I want to be awake.

But I feel like I can't miss these moments where it's like, oh, he's getting so old, like he's going to be out of the house soon.

And I'm going to look back and wish that I spent these times with him.

So I feel like I'm staying up later than I normally want to.

Because I want those moments with him.

And again, like Cristiana, what you said about your girls opening up, that's when my boys open up when we put them to bed and we're just like sitting on their bed and talking about their days one-on-one.

Like so much comes up.

Like that's when our richest conversations happen, when it's just like reflecting on the day and it's like, I don't want to miss that.

So like adapting to that too, where it's like, okay, I know I'm going to be up later than I want to be because I want time with my oldest son while he's still living at home, but I do need to be up before everybody wakes up.

It's difficult.

It's like that window of like, okay, I got to get my core sleep in here.

I think that ties into some of the stuff that we've lectured on too is like, maybe my hours of sleep are lower than the amount that I would like, but how can I make sure that's quality?

So like, you know, I have a wearable device that tells me how much I slept and how much REM, and like, I just love data.

And so like, I refresh that in the morning.

But like, even knowing like, okay, last night I had less sleep, but you know, because I was able to exercise, it was more restful, or because I, you know, when I timing of eating can affect like sleep, and there's just, you know, turning off blue light exposure can affect sleep.

So improving the quality, even if it is smaller, has been something that I've been trying to do.

Because yeah, sometimes it is closer to five or six hours when I want it to be closer to seven or eight.

But yeah, the richness of like the season, I have to keep reminding myself, because sometimes you are tired after that long day, because I've learned to love mornings, but it's something that I've learned.

I would say another kind of thing that we have just as a family, someone brought up food, and like my husband's side, like there's so much like cultural like ties to food and community that I've just fallen in love with, and that the eating time, like cooking together or like, you know, packing, you know, different snacks or picking things out, like has been like has grown to be a lot more communal and like our family than family origin.

And so it's kind of fun to like teach our kids like why and what we're choosing and like tying that into values too.

That like even today, my daughter was like, I'm going to make some cookies because it's a rainy day, you know, like just like, like, I'm just having those things.

And you made me think of lunch packs.

One thing that we've done with lunch packs is like went on the days that they're home with their co-op situation, like they'll pack their lunch after lunch.

And so that's the way all the food is out everywhere.

And so we've been able to do that.

But when they were in public school prior, yeah, that was definitely a challenging thing, like trying to pack two days at a time or three days at a time in the bento boxes.

And I'm like, get hot lunch every day.

I don't want to make lunch.

Yeah.

But they're like, I don't like it.

And I'm like, please.

Yeah, I know.

Well, Christian, I love that you shared that just on the cultural piece, just even like things around, like sitting around the table, like these little rhythms that we have.

I actually feel like I learned from friends.

So at the place I met my husband, I lived in a house there as I think it was 11 or 12 of us girls.

That landlord was just making a killing.

But it was a super fun house, and all of them were students at this school, but it was a very international school.

And so there was people from all over the world.

And we had this huge table that all of us could fit at.

We looked like little women sitting around this table.

But they really taught me about sitting, savoring, enjoying food.

And literally that changed me.

And I'm still like that.

My sisters will come visit, and they'll be walking around with a dessert.

I'm like, oh, no, no, no.

Put that on the plate.

We're boiling the kettle, getting a cup of tea.

We're gonna do this properly, where you just savor and enjoy things.

And instead of just always being on the run and rush, rush, rush.

And I learned that from my international friends.

And then living in the UK for nearly 10 years, I loved that part of culture.

It's like, man, it makes food so much more rich when you just, when it's about community and sitting around and savoring and enjoying.

And so that is something that we've incorporated in our family rhythms of like sitting down to meals together and not eating on the go.

Like I don't like eating in the car.

Like we still have to do it sometimes, but I'm like, oh, it's just like, you know, it's like actually sitting down and enjoying meals is something I think that's so important for even creating healthy relationships like with food and stuff and the community around food, you know?

So I just want to jump in on that because I loved that you shared that.

I've learned that as well.

I know one thing that challenged me when my kids were little, we only had two then, right?

That my first two or a year and a half part was just something that I had read that talked about the average family consumes at least one meal out a day, right?

And I'm like, oh, well, I don't want to be average.

I want to, that's not going to be us.

We're going to have more meals that we're not just in a car or on the go.

And yeah, my mother-in-law has just done such a great job of modeling.

Like loving people through food, right?

And we can choose those healthy options.

There's a term that our family uses, like sobremesa, just like that community timer on the table.

And I think that also kind of ties into when we have our talks, like what Daniel was talking about, of like, what are you grateful for today?

Or like, how was your Valentine's party?

Or what's going on as like that communal connection with one another and laughing.

And recently, dinner cleanup has been to dance songs that the kids are like, let's put on this song from and dance around while we clean the table.

You know, so it's been fun.

That's so fun.

Man, I feel like we need to give a shout out to Mother-in-law's, because I feel like as you're saying that, like, I've learned so much from my mother-in-law just around, like, making food for lots of people and just inviting people in.

And she modeled that, like when we lived near them, every Sunday night was family dinner.

And Joey has a big family.

And so it was like a lot of us.

And, you know, she just would just cook for all of us.

And then even on holidays, they invite other people into, even though we already have a giant family.

And I just feel like I learned that from her, of just like, man, make a whole lot of food and invite people over.

And so we kept that tradition of like Sunday dinners, but we've just invited more and more people in on that.

And that's part of our weekly rhythm, where it's like, okay, Sunday family dinner.

And then whoever else comes, comes.

Like, we're always going to just make more food.

But yeah, I just love that idea of, how we all have that in common of just like learning to sit and have community and eat together.

And what a value that is.

And thinking of like our own family and going back to our family values, right?

Because trying to tie those in, I feel like something we noticed with our boys is, two of them eat really fast.

And they would just like eat dinner super fast and then like run away.

And so we tied in our family time value of just like, we value time as a family.

So even if you choose to eat super fast, like we're still going to sit here and still talk together.

So you still need to be at the table with us.

But, yeah, I love the food thing also ties in, I think, a bit to the movement and like that stewardship part that we were talking about too.

I think having time to like teach the kids what to consume, but also like teach them like, you have these great bodies, like, let's move them.

So like whether that's playing or, you know, modeling exercise or, you know, sometimes it's them playing sports is another thing that I think we've implemented it in.

As we've seen a close family member age and lose that ability, a lot of our prayers have turned to like, we're grateful that like we're not bound to a wheelchair, you know, that we can get up and walk.

And so let's go outside and do some laps around the neighborhood or let's go outside and play with the ball.

So I think that is another thing unrelated to food, but just kind of ties back into stewardship of our bodies and something that we enjoy doing together.

Because yeah, sometimes just laughing and playing can draw more points of connection as well.

And definitely connect, particularly with kids, not just the basic stuff, but also that too.

Kathleen, can you share?

I know that you just went through a season of just deciding like what to have and not have in your life.

And I felt really encouraged by it.

Would you mind sharing?

Yeah, definitely.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, I just, yeah, as we're getting ready for this little sweet boy coming into our life, I just feel like the Lord has shown me just different areas to like simplify.

And so, you know, it started with things around our house, like what were areas in our house that like caused me stress.

And, you know, and so just one by one, I just like tackled those and like, you know, just simplified them, whether that's getting rid of too many clothes in the kids' closets, or we have way too many toys in the garage, like we need to just get rid of some of these.

And honestly, I use kind of some of the Marie Kondo sort of mentality of like, does this spark joy in me?

No, it doesn't.

Okay, just get rid of it.

And it was so good though, and it's been really helpful.

But it's in that process, though, of simplifying.

I felt like it's like shedded, like a weight off of me, you know, because we don't realize like we're carrying these things.

And these stressors like on our bodies, I was like, oh, my shoulders are always tense, why are they tense?

Oh, because I'm staring at this like messy corner all the time.

Like, and so just taking some time like one by one, like, and it's been honestly over a process of weeks, as God's kind of like led me in that.

But like one thing, for instance, like, and the Lord is so kind, like, they're like, we've had this sofa, we bought it second hand knowing it would get trashed, but like, and it did, it got very trashed.

And every day I looked at it, I was like, oh, this is so annoyed at it, like made my eye twitch just like, because it was like a cream sofa, a cream sofa with toddlers, like who does that?

Like anyway, so I like, you know, I really wanted a new one, but like we weren't really in the place to like buy a brand, who won or anything.

But anyway, like this, this amazing one came up on Facebook Marketplace.

I don't know why the person was selling it for that cheap, but it was like in our budget.

And then I was the first one to like message them.

So we ended up getting the sofa, and he's like, a million people were messaging me.

And I was like, yeah, because it's an amazing sofa.

And but it just like felt like a kiss from the Lord of just like, I see what is a stressor for you.

And I'm here beside you walking with you.

I am your provider.

And I just felt like little details like that.

I was just like, when you when I invited the Lord, like, would you just help me in this?

Because some days I was feeling so overwhelmed.

It's like, I got to fix all the things.

Everything in our family structure has to be like done and fixed.

Now, I'm like, you know, even even with my husband, I like, you know, like just in our dynamics of our parenting, our kids and like how we deal with discipline and all these things.

I was like, kind of at times feeling in a frenzy, like we got to figure this out.

And I just felt this overwhelming grace from God.

And I hope I hope mama's out there feel this come upon you as you listen to of just knowing that like God walks gently with those with young, it says in the Bible, and he, you know, he doesn't always show us like so many steps ahead of where he's taking us, but just trusting him in that process and that journey and inviting him into it.

And so in all of these like little family rhythms that we have, or maybe maybe you're a very unstructured parent, maybe you feel like I've never even thought of like putting a structure here or there, but like maybe this listening to this can be an encouragement to you of just like these things actually can bring freedom.

It's not about like being rigid, like, but it's about bringing like kind of freedom to the things that are stressors to our family environment.

And so yeah, I've just, I've felt a lot lighter.

And honestly, I feel just like ready.

All I feel is just like excited for this little boy coming to us, because I feel like God's just been doing some good hard work in me.

And it's been showing also, you know, physically around our home and stuff with that feeling a little bit more organized and stuff too.

But yeah, yeah, it's been good.

I just love that, you know, just the concept of like seeking after what God has and having grace in that.

And even just those rhythms that you can look back on.

And as you were talking, Kathleen, I was just reminded this morning when I was driving my son to school, we were having a conversation about his friends and like the ones he was going to meet and what they were going to be doing that day.

And that's another one of our times where we talk is school dropouts.

And when it's just one-on-one, and we were talking about how, what an answer to prayer that was.

And we were reflecting to when we moved here and when it was like we were up and leaving everything.

And I was so concerned about my boys just like leaving all their cousins and their friends.

And but we did like through the transitions, we kept our routine of like, we're going to put them to bed one by one.

We're going to pray with each of them.

We're going to have conversations with them.

And with our oldest, a lot of our prayers at that time was God bring friends.

Like we know you're calling us here, and we know you're not going to forget about this.

And so this morning, we're talking about how, wow, we're living in the fruit of those prayers that like we took time in our routine to have.

And now, look at all these friends that you have in your life and these relationships that God's blessed because we prayed for them together.

And so just like reflecting back on, yeah, just how that routine of prayer together at night has fruit.

Like there's things that come out of that.

So that's what happened today.

Yeah, that definitely strikes.

That's a good point of remembrance.

I feel like we could have, yeah, just something on the thing of answered prayers.

That's just so encouraging to see and hear those, and point that out to your son, too.

Like, hey, look at this.

Yeah, it's good to reflect on that and have that as a rhythm.

And yeah, I agree.

Treasuring those car times, their gift.

I know sometimes they feel long, especially on rainy days, but it's such a gift to have that quality time.

Well, I wondered if we had any more just practical tips.

So we did talk about our own individual core of values in the last episode.

But any practical tips as far as we shared, like I shared a little bit about my heart for seeking the lost out, and that we're families who seek after the lost, and how I've taught my kids to do that.

And it can look different ways.

I teach them in public school.

It's like, okay, and I've had my kids come home.

And this makes me sound awesome, but I honestly just feel like the Holy Spirit just counsels them at school.

But they've come back and they've prayed for friends at school, and they've been ones to help other kids up when they get hurt.

And it's like training them to look for those who need a helping hand.

Seeing the fruit of that is just so encouraging as a mama.

But do any of you?

Yeah, like maybe some more, if we can give a few more.

There was one example that came to mind.

So one of my kids, so they're in a co-op, so sometimes it's two days a week or three days a week, depending on the kid.

My daughter last year, there's a couple of kids in her class who she knew, didn't know Jesus.

And that's the thing that I like about our co-op is that it gives us a piece of that public school chance to share Jesus with others, but yet they also have other friends who have some similar values too, so it's kind of a fusion of those two.

But she decided with those other two friends who have a strong relationship with Jesus that she was going to start a Bible club.

And with it being at a charter and having some just different guidelines than maybe a traditional school setting that she was in prior, she was allowed to do that.

And at lunch, she was bringing her devotional and leading people in scripture.

And I think definitely Holy Spirit inspired her for sure.

But I think the kids model what they see us do as parents too.

And so when they see us waking up and being in the Word, they're like, well, this is true, and other people need to know this is true, and so we're going to share.

And so we've got a lot of chance to talk about the delivery and apologetics, and the power of prayer.

And so ever since meeting those friends a little over a year ago, a year about a year and a half ago, even though some of those kids still don't go to her school, and she's actually not at that one anymore, she continued every night praise for them.

And it's just exciting to see those pieces kind of come out as fruit over time as well.

But you made me think of that with your daughter's story.

And I'm like, oh yeah, like, our kids are living that out.

And sometimes we see it, and sometimes we don't.

But whether it's prayer or sharing truth, like, yeah, it's exciting to see in the next generations.

Yeah, that's so good.

I feel like, you know, just going back to family values, something that I feel like we do that's very practical is like deciding what we're committing to.

And I feel like our lives are all so full right now.

It feels like there's a lot, whether it's through work or a nonprofit or boy's schedules in school and homework and all the things.

But it's like that constant evaluation of in this season, do we say yes to this or do we say no to this?

And how does it add to our family value?

Or does it go against our family value?

So one of the things is the boys want to just be involved in everything.

All the school activities, all the clubs, like everything.

And so we just have this rule that if it's with our learning value, right, like let's look at it and then let's see what time it is.

Does it match our schedules?

But you can commit to one thing in a season.

And so you can't do 20 robotics clubs.

Like you can do one robotics club.

They're all in STEM clubs, it feels like, or acting classes even this new season.

But they're all allowed to choose one thing that they want to do in that season.

And then that is like our limitation where it's just like, we're not going to do 30 things right now, because I want to see you and I want to spend time with you.

But I also want to invest in their learning and they're growing as a person.

And so creating those opportunities, but also having those healthy boundaries of like, we still need family time, we still need dinners together.

Like, does this fit in with our family versus like our family fitting in a million other schedules?

Yes.

Well, I have something to share on that, because definitely, this is an American thing, the pressure to like over schedule our kids.

You know, living in Northern Ireland for, you know, those nine years, I just realized I was like, okay, the kids aren't like running around from activity, activity, and it felt weird to me because I mean, I loved doing sports and stuff growing up, but it probably was too much.

It was like all the time.

And so seeing kids just getting to play and my nieces and nephews would just sit around the table with a cup of tea and chat to Granny and Granda, I'd be literally shocked.

How are they able to do this?

They're not bored.

And it was so refreshing for me because it did give me a different perspective of why do we rush around and do all the things?

And I remember talking to a friend when we moved back to the states here to Southern California.

I was talking to another pastor at our church, and we were having a genuine dialogue about this overscheduling of the kids.

And I was like, what do you think is at the root of that?

And he's like, I feel like it's like fear of like fear at the root, like fear of underdeveloping our kids or not giving them that step up in life.

That culture is telling us like, your kid has to play the piano and be a black belt in karate by AJ, you know?

And so I was like, man, that's so good just to realize sometimes like, we're supposed to fear the Lord, and fear is what we give our attention and our reverence to.

And if we are giving our attention, our reverence to a cultural narrative that our kids are not being developed enough if they're not in all these sports, and it's actually putting a strain on our family, putting a strain on our kids.

And it's like, we're not serving like our kids or our families.

And it's like, so to then focus on like, okay, following like the Lord, you know, like we've done the same thing, Danielle, like there was actually a season where we felt the Lord say, don't have the kids in any extra curricular activity.

So, you know, and they're still young.

But we just said, no, the Lord has spoken, we're not supposed to be in anything right now.

And then when we felt that at the time came that it was okay, we just gave them each like, okay, one thing.

And in that too, it's like, once again, going back to the last episode of our core value of just like inquiring of the Lord and like all these things and all these decisions being in surrender to Him.

We just like, we're like, okay, would you like to our kids, would you just pray about like what you feel like you're really passionate about?

And it's been so crazy to see our second one, like she, I call her movement adverse.

Like any other setting like walking, it's like I'm dragging her, but she started gymnastics and she is just like in her head, she is Simone Biles and she just gets out there and she just loves it.

And she just owns that space.

And she is like, I'm like, this girl just runs around like mad the whole time and just loves it.

And she just got her first medal.

So she was like wearing that everywhere.

She wore it to church.

So it's so cool to see like stuff that like to actually pause and let your kids think about, okay, what are you actually passionate about?

What maybe has the Lord put on you?

And letting them run in that lane rather than having to run in all the lanes.

And I think like that's where I'd wrap it up is just mamas that you would be encouraged to just first seek, what are your values?

What are you wanting to build your family on?

And then use that to just create a safe structure with figure out what makes you get up in the morning and like feel like you're alive and create that schedule and like bedtime routines and whatever that looks like throughout the day, but really use those core values to create rhythms for your family and have grace in that because you know, they will come and go and there will be things to adapt to, but just have grace in those seasons.

So we hope this episode really helped you just unpack that a little more and take one step to becoming a little better today.

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